Changes in my Closet...

... and in me. For the last few weeks I have steadily been going through my closet... pulling out items of clothing that I can no longer wear. For once, I'm removing these items from my closet because they are to BIG for me... NOT because I am TO BIG for them... THIS is an interesting change of events.

About a week ago, I had laid out all these clothes in the spare room and had put them in "piles": Jeans, t-shirts, sweaters, dresses, blouses, etc. During this time consuming task, I had not one, not two, but three entire melt downs.

I, literally, felt scared. Scared to be losing these clothes... scared of the layers that have come off of my body, and scared to get rid of, what I guess, I never fully understood, was my security blanket?

Could that really possibly be? Since when did I need a security blanket? Me? The totally independent, outgoing, vivacious, funny, humorous, life of the party, sort of gal? When did that happen? When did I allow myself to be swallowed up by my weight and allow myself to disappear inside of me?

So... I melted. I cried. I weeped. I could not coherently put into words what I was feeling. I am proud of my journey. I'm proud of the accomplishments I have made in six short months... however, I was scared of what getting rid of these clothes meant.

What if I got rid of them and then tomorrow woke up and this was just a dream and I was still as heavy as when I first began? What if I got rid of these clothes and then... I gained all of this weight back? What if...

And so it was... this past Saturday... I took a giant step... I got rid of a lot of these clothes. About 68 items of clothing are now gone from my spare bedroom. 68 items. That's A LOT OF CLOTHES.. and I still have more clothes laying on the bed...

For those of you that don't really know me... I am such a clothes horse.. Clothes and shoes. Well, I was a clothes horse... Now my closet is very.. empty. There are not many clothes hanging in there... Not anymore.

While my friend was "shopping" my bigger clothes.... I felt ... sad. A few items of clothing that I loved... simply loved... like my denim jacket, my polka dot dress, the new swimsuit I just bought last year and never really got to wear... was leaving my home. Never to return. And I felt sad.

And proud. Proud of what I was giving up... Proud of my accomplishments so far, proud of what the future holds... for me... in smaller clothes!

And though I may not have many clothes hanging up in my closet... I now have a couple of new favorites... And thankfully, my shoes still fit!