Today my life changes...

...forever.

Today I will make my momma more angry at me than she probably has ever been... even when I was 17 and ran the car into the ditch, in the mud, in the middle of the night... Today she will be angry, mad, disappointed & very, very sad. My sister, Lorna, who has Down's Syndrome, will not understand & will be constantly saying "Wanna go home" as I am signing the papers & trying to make life seem not quite so bad.

Today I will move my momma & sister into a nursing home here in Springfield.

And though I know I have no choice, though I know it is truly out of my hands, I am very, very sad. My heart is breaking... and is just waiting for the moment when mom finds out what I am doing.... and she looks at me with those big brown eyes... and shows how very disappointed she is ... in me, and then my heart... will fall & totally break in very small, never to be fully back in place, pieces.

My mom has Alzheimer's -- she can't remember a phone call from yesterday nor that I told her she received the phone call... 5 minutes ago. My mom is very unsteady & has been declared unable to live in her home and unable to take care of Lorna by the lovely state of Missouri.

And so, today... I will place her in a 24 hour care facility. I never, in all my years, thought this would be me. I had plans to watch her grow very old, to play with her great grandchildren & laugh & have a great life... I've had these plans for all of my life... and today... well, today those plans are shattered right along with my heart.