How tired does one have to be?

Before we shut down? I may be about there. I'm tired. T I R E D. My phone has rang non-stop today. From the Dr. Hailey at the nursing home (and I am grateful for his call) to Next Step, to the old doctors office... to.. well, I can't even remember everyone that's called.

It has been a tough day. My phone rings & I begin holding my breath. 9 times out of 10, it's a "weird" number and oh, how I would love to hit "ignore" and go on with my life... But I... well, I as the responsible one cannot do so... I have to answer. And once I see the unknown number on the screen, my heart sinks to my stomach and I hold my breath... hoping amongst hope that it will be a good call...

.. They aren't normally. Good calls. In case you were wondering. Most of the time - during the last 16 months of my life... the calls have been delivering unwanted information. Unwanted though necessary information.

And though I have mom & Lorna in a 24 hour care facility, though life should be calming down... there are still days like today... When my phone rings and I shudder & sigh before looking at it... Dreading answering it... Dreading the voice on the other end.

One of my co-workers, Adam, asked me if I was alright today. I am not alright today. Today.. I am tired. Very tired. There are things that need to be done... and I am tired. Really tired. Tired of being the responsible one. Tired of my phone ringing and having strangers on the other end. Tired of answering questions. Tired of giving the same answers to different people all the time. I'm tired.

And still.. I'm trying to hold down a full time job while trying to keep my senses about me while trying not to let depression set in again, while trying to eat healthy & get my body back to where it was 16 months ago... I'm trying.

People often say... that God never gives us more than we can handle and I know this is true.. but seriously... sometimes I just want to tell Him to STOP! Stop trusting me with so much. Stop giving me such a heavy load. Can He not see I need a break? Can He not tell I am just about at my breaking point?

When people tell me that God never gives us more than we can handle... I often laugh and say... Yes, I know... but I think He has me confused with someone else!

Totally.