Sometimes Boyfriends...

... ask the hardest questions.

Let me preface that by telling you... I got back on the horse Monday. Back on the exercise horse, that is. I've been trying to "watch" what I'm eating... even when I'm not eating right... I am trying to KNOW what I am putting in my mouth. And since Monday was a beautiful day here in the Ozarks, I decided to go for a walk after work.

Bob went with me. It was a 2 mile walk that I thought would never end & that amazed me when I looked at the clock & I was only gone for 35 minutes! Whew... it was a long, long 35 minutes.

Last night was no different. Home from work. Changed into some walking clothes. Off to the community track. Two miles took 30 minutes and I was still glad... thankful when it was over... Though I do think I could have gone another mile...

And then this morning... Bob & I are talking about our walk & how even though I am going to Indiana tomorrow & he'll be here, he still needs to walk... And out of the blue, he asks... "Why don't you do SparkPeople again? That really seemed to work. I don't know why you stopped in the first place?"

I sat in amazement. Did he NOT know what I've been through the last 9 months? Was he not here? Where was he? I thought he was here... I thought he was aware of my depression, my sadness, my heart being broke...

I answered him... "I've not given up SP. I do it every day." He said..."But you aren't following it... Are you?" Ah... boyfriends. Sometimes they say the worse things... the dumbest things... and yet... get right to the core, don't they?

And he's right. It did work. And I haven't been following it. Logging my food was one of the VERY BEST things I did for me. Posting on the boards was a VERY good thing for me, because to me, helping others through their journey... helped me on mine.

My mom's illness really affected me. My momma stopped being my momma for awhile.. through no fault of her own.. and I became the caregiver & the one that had to be strong. For her. For my sisters. For my brother. I had to be the one to take care of things... and so I stopped caring for myself. Looking back on it... NOT the smartest thing I've ever done.. but who among us is perfect?

The key is .... I believe... is to look forward. To learn from your mistakes and to not make them again. And though, I am not back on SP full force... posting, logging... I am back.. and beginning my journey again. A bit older... a bit heavier... and definitely a bit wiser.

.