I'm a mess...

... literally a mess. I am tired, cranky, back hurts, cramping, depressed and I'm having a wild and totally hateful, cranky menopausal episode... and have been all day! Yikes... I have not been in a good mood today. I feel ... sad and weepy. I feel lost and a bit overwhelmed with work and the pressures of listening to co-worker and training the boy and home...

And I'm tired. Literally exhausted. With no one really understanding what is going on... how can one understand when one hasn't been thru this?

Yet again... I probably owe my daughter an apology! I may be turning into my mother as I type.

Week Five...14.4. lbs GONE!

AND I'm not starving myself!

....Whew! What a week this has been. Lots going on at work, lots going on at home... My nephew from Texas (Kelly, my namesake) came into town and wanted to go out each night he was here. (Now this is after already having gone out to Olive Garden on Saturday for Bob and my "Valentine's Date") SO... the first night we went to a little mexican place not to far from where I work - one that is home owned -- NOT a chain, and I had fajitas (leftovers today for lunch!), the second night, he called and Brian (a friend he brought with him) had never been to the "throwed roll" place (Lambert's - for those of you that aren't familiar) and so he wanted to go there.

Ugh. Have you ever eaten at Lambert's? What can one have there that is even REMOTELY on a diet? I sighed and said sure - we'll go there... dying inside wondering if I could really do it...

Bucked up on my water intake... and off we went to Lambert's. What fun we had. Brian had never actually seen a roll being hurled at you from across the dining room, so it was quite fun. Good, down home, country cooking... that "stick to your ribs" cooking that your grandma used to do... or maybe your mom if you are as old as me...

So... I looked at the menu - perused it... I didn't want fried, didn't want beef (trying to eat less red meat)... didn't really want chicken though that might have to be my option... Ah ha! Pork Chops... That's what I'll have - grilled pork chops... baked potato and green beans... Man, that was the best Pork Chop I've had in years.... oh, and two (not one, people.... TWO) homemade yeast rolls... with, yes, dare I say it... Butter.

Yum.

Then Bob decided he wanted to go out for Valentine's night. I think he might have felt bad cause he didn't get me a card or anything... so we did. Menu? Ugh... Mexican. I chose Taco Salad... w/chicken. Thinking it would be grilled chicken, right? Nope... fried. Picked it off, fed it to Bob.. and had an absolutely divine salad.

So.. alas, weighed in Friday morning. Nervously I went into the bath to step on the scale. That thing that sits in my bathroom haunting me... and wow... it dropped. It dropped THREE LBS.

How is that possible? Good choices? Zumba? Water intake... ? I really drank the water this week... No matter though. Whatever the reason, I will take it, start my sixth week and be thrilled with my results. 14.4 lbs. in 5 weeks! How utterly awesome is that?

Looking forward....

Tomorrow's the day... I weigh in.. one more time. It will be my fourth complete week -- and I feel better than I have in a long, long time... Which is really good. I'd like to be in much better shape by the time I go see Phoebe and Josie next time!

I am hoping Ben will join me on this life changing quest on SparkPeople. I think if he'd try it, he'd see that it can really make a difference in how he feels... and the quality of life he is living!

I hope he'll do it... for Deb, for Abby... for me.

February 5th, 2008

So... with a total of 9.2 lbs. off so far, today is the first day that I really just feel fat - really fat. Now, I know I am fat, I don't have to be told that... but somedays, you feel fatter than others, and today I feel fat. Really fat. So... today that has been weighing on my mind and has had an effect on my attitude and how I feel. I've stuck with my meal plan and done well, but my attitude is not the same as normal.

I'm tired for one. If I was woke up once last night, I was woke up 40 times. And... consequently, I'm tired. I need my sleep. I can deal with 7 hours... I can even deal with 6.5 hours... but I need sleep... and last night, sleep was not something I was able to accomplish for any length of time at all...

So... now I'm tired and I'm cranky... and irritable.

And I should probably apologize to my daughter.

Sigh.