Have you seen this girl?

She's cute, lovable, funny, honest and she's lost! Lost her momentum, lost her will, lost her patience. And in the meantime, she's gained... gained what you might ask? She's gained weight.

I've been on SparkPeople for over 2 years. I've lost 70 lbs. through SparkPeople, just by eating better, eating less & exercising some. I felt so good... I could do anything. And then in January of 2009, my mother became ill & ultimately was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease in June of 2009. My life, as I knew it, was over.

Or so I felt. Obviously, it isn't... but the life I knew - the happy life... was now clouded and I became the mother and I had to take care of my momma. I guess all in all, I did a pretty good job. She's much better.. and I? Well, I am left with the knowledge that everything I've done, everything that I've been through, has helped... She's much better. I, however, am not.

I feel wounded. Lost. Uncared for. I feel alone much of the time. I feel sad. And with all of these "feelings" I've ate. Anything. Everything. And I've ate lots of it.

So... today... 3 days after my 51st birthday, I can tell I am not the same. My clothes are tight. I lose my breath. My knees ache again. My back hurts. I don't feel confident. My self esteem has crashed to the floor and disintegrated.

And I've had enough. Enough feeling sorry for myself. Enough feeling unhealthy. Enough of being blue. I've had ENOUGH.

No one can change me, but me. No one can make a difference in me, but me. I have to do it.

And though I never thought I would be in this situation again... I never thought I would put weight back on... I am not infallible. I am just a woman. A grandmother. A friend. A sister. I am just me.

So today I stand up taller & realize - it is up to me and I will lose this weight and find myself again... in all the wreckage!