10 Months and time to...

... change my goals!

As I sat at my desk this morning, it hit me... I've been on this journey for 10 months today. Where did the time go? 10 months has passed? How is that possible? But possible it is... Well, actually it is a fact. Ten months ago today... I logged onto SP for the first time and made the decision to change my life and I began this journey.

And today... I am having to change my goals. I realized this morning that I am not going to be at my goal weight by my 50th birthday, which is in February. Having realized this... I immediately became depressed. Not that I haven't ever had to change my goals on my Start page... because I have... HOWEVER, never have I had to change them this drastically.

So after I picked myself up off the floor from my depression, I decided that perhaps this is not such a bad thing... though my goals are now a bit further down the road, there are still goals in place. And that, for a gal that bores easily and often changes her mind, is a very good thing!

I first thought of changing my ticker for a larger weight at goal... I could still be at my goal weight (though different than first goal) by my 50th birthday if I just add a few pounds (who am I kidding?) to the ole ticker and moved my weight loss goal date a couple of weeks down the calendar... I could still make my goal... even if the goal would show a few more pounds than I had originally set on my ticker.

So... I did that. After I changed my goal weight, I felt somewhat relieved and I thought to mself, "Yes! I can still make my goal by my birthday!"

That was short lived... My heart promptly took over my thought process and said to my head..."You aren't owning your actions. You aren't being true."

And I realized my heart was right... (It normally is.) I wasn't "owning" my current weight, I wasn't "owning" my success and I definitely wasn't "owning" my lack of success (I hate the word "failures"). And, just for the record... I wasn't being true to my family or my SparkFriends, but more importantly, I was not being true to myself.

And so... I changed my goal weight back to my original goal weight AND in order to achieve this... I had to change my goal date... to April 1st, 2009. THAT is a long way from February 15th, which was my last goal date... A very long way... And it seems like it is a VERY FAR DATE in the future.

Questions arise in my head: Why haven't I succeeded more? What have I done or not done that has kept me from this goal? And why, oh why... is my momma always right? "Time passes more quickly the older you get", she would say... And who knew?

Who knew that ten months would pass by so quickly? And what do I have to show for the passing of the last ten months?

*I have lost a total of 67 lbs. Not near what I thought I'd have off by now, but still 268 sticks of butter and 67 lbs. more than I would have lost had I NOT begun this journey!
*I have much more energy. No longer do I go home, change into my pj's and veg out in front of the television.
*I have had to give up most of my clothing... for smaller sizes... How wonderful is that?
*I can get on the floor with my granddaughters and play - and I can get up! (Which, by the way, is very important!)
*I can stand in front of my mirror now - and not cringe! My body isn't where I want it to be, but it is so much better than 43.57 weeks ago!
*I have great bone structure... WHO KNEW?
*I have a waist.. WHO KNEW?
*I can splurge on some treat (normally chocolate!) AND get back on track immediately!
*I am proud of my accomplishments though they have perhaps been slower than what SP recommended... I'm still here... still walking my journey, and I haven't turned around yet!
*I have more self esteem, self reliance and I am more outspoken (is that possible?).
*I own a bicycle, Walk Away the Pounds DVD's, ZUMBA DVD's AND a Wii Fit! AND I USE THEM... Hey, WHO KNEW?

And, most importantly... This journey has changed my life.

So, yes... I've had to change my goal date... disappointing and depressing to say the least. However, on a positive note... I'm not going anywhere... I have the rest of my life to be on this journey... Even if I would have made my original goal date... I'm not going to end this journey once I get there.... so as they say... It's not the destination but the journey along the way... and I have learned much in ten months...

I've changed my goal date.. but more importantly... I've changed my life!